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Loiterer

by Loiterer

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1.
Nine PM 01:13
Nine PM And I linger here, jittering off those afternoon coffees, scripting hollow responses with convincingly feigned confidence on the most recent application. And I wander back to that time I gazed at the hazy shimmer of the fireflies, their pulsing embers blazing in relative eons. And I ironically ache for that youthful throb in my gut, the overwhelming urge to seize a world that was mine to take. And I can still feel myself there in that iridescent field, smoking the years off. And you’re still pissed at me, because I have so much to live for.
2.
Loiterer 02:23
Well the light starts to blend from a static sun as uncertainty looms. The minutes defined in dollar signs, squandered in this waiting room. I tap my feet, clenching teeth, begging for a call. to validate the choices I made before I knew myself at all. I sweat these nights away anxious The raw, piercing rays of dawn Taunt me out of slumber To a tedium reprise I was the one who had it all mapped it out Drawn from calloused hands years before Now I pace this vacant space Vainly searching for the door I can’t bear dwelling on how I’ve failed you Humbled by circumstance Of false, hollow promises That I would ever have a chance I sweat these nights away anxious As I analyze each waking hour To justify my every choice Against the parallel life I thought I’d have I’ll just keep burying my head As friends all pass by In polished shoes and straightened ties While I yearn for what cannot be mine Because of things that I could never do That frame collecting dust An enduring reminder of The opportunities that I’ve lost As I rot, loitering
3.
Damsel 04:29
The voyager seeks asylum from the mundane, vice transparent, set upon ritual end. A primordial ache pervades, pleading release, knowing the proper means. A piercing, discordant choir lures his attentions, Resolving pitchy vibrato to charming concord, Nursing the flow of blood. They materialize, Veiled in a sterile glow, Shrouding blemishes of humanity In a meticulously manicured skin, Postured upon an artificial plane. The ache engulfs him As their eyes pierce virile sensibilities, Driving his flesh tender. Resistance is impractical In rewarding acquiescence. He wastes through thousands Craving a flawless outro. Scrutinizing every defect As the human peeks through the veils. Submitting himself to one, The tendons boil to inevitable crescendo, Ushering the grief of wasted time in impersonal reverie. The sinew relaxes, Warming his bones with spent energy And all is perfect this way The damsel cast aside, Immortalized in binary Forever admired never adored.
4.
Hostage 03:38
Blindfolded in the back seat A captive comforted by the smooth Glide of the street Ushered by an unknown driver He shouts to me “We’re headed south. A coarse and jagged route.” I brace as his warning fulfills Reverberations inch the cloth From my eyes To find the driver’s long gone, Bailed out leaving a crudely drawn map Of the distant horizon It beckons me In promise of clarity beyond these conditions adverse. And I was born of my father’s ambitions for better or for worse It seems now fuel is running low As battered tires Veer off gravel road And for the first time I feel truly lost. Gripping the wheel with all I have Straining to hold A straightened path As I submit to curves, A hostage without will I’ll get what I deserve And I never asked for any of this This trying, guideless ride But I’ll be damned if I falter And for that I must survive
5.
You’ll rarely find my face in a photograph They feel so frivolous When the moments we hold dear Are clouded visions we can’t take with us. Snapshots, limited by context We must then interpret. The bias of perspective leaves Parallel plots divergent The days of our disquiet youth Can never be ours again I’m left with only these torn prints Of when I thought the world made sense I’ve spent my time turning Over vignettes of yesteryears Because I’ve forgotten What I’m doing here It’s so senseless to live in the past When the future can promise so much But I loiter precious time away And sacrifice the present as such I’ve told myself not to worry It’s for another time But here and now Is the later I promised myself I’d try Do wasted hours mean anything? Because when it’s time to die The memories we cherish most Are the only things of worth in our lives It’s funny then that I’ve spent the past year Thinking things would change When every day I’ve voluntarily committed myself to a cage And that picture can never be perfect No matter how much I dream Or how hard I try There will always be a speck of dust And finger blocking the lens To prevent me from ever being there with you again. Why should we ever say hello? If we must in time bid farewell? And tell me what’s the point of spending time, When I’m biding mine? It often seems that all we are Is anywhere but existence And the day I die I'll wonder Was it everything I had envisioned?
6.
Reconcile 03:31
I’ve been thinking over passing objects From the vantage of a driver’s seat Of the way I judged you in my youth But now I see so much of you in me Because I was far too young to grasp The inner struggles of responsibility And having bore a lesser burden In a fraction of the time I can see the depths of your tenacity Neither of us can be perfect And it’s nothing we can change We can only put our past behind us bringing focus to the coming days I’m sorry for my defiance I never meant to take you for granted I guess I only needed guidance And I pushed you away when you tried to provide it It’s funny how I thought Your words foolish Now I take them all to heart The past five years I’ve learned in spite of all You’ve always done your part To teach me self-sufficiency By never budging No matter how I pushed Now we’ve put differences aside Here’s a cold beer to the rest of our lives And I don’t want to lose you Without getting the chance To show respect for the work you put in Not in some bullshit cliché From a sitcom screenplay But in our silent reconciliation For the rest of our years And I forgive every perceived wrong As there's redemption Among men
7.
Parking Lots 02:48
Ageless we laid Joint devotees A woven embrace In relative perpetuity Your trembling hands Begged for kindled grasp I never let them go As the stars sauntered past And everyday still I find A force that I can’t quite describe Which pulls me closer Toward you Solidified that first night In the parking lot Where my chest grew tight A fated meeting Long overdue What I would not give To return to those days When your presence forced a weight To my gut But that would sacrifice all we’ve become The patience adoration’s from And looking back, I would not change a thing The engine bellowed I kicked it to low But We went Nowhere
8.
Keystone 03:13
I had believed my triumphs Would cradle me On this bridge above valleys But none had warned That support would cave Beneath the crushing weight Of all those dreams laid waste And I kept course Toward a road of lesser woes. Through path unyielding, I felt resolve fatiguing And unwavering failure In the face of hope Now the place I once called my home Confines me in a stranglehold And I was a fool To think my worth Above the rest. In this apathetic place We have no names Only the stubborn rhythms In our chests. But I will surrender For an end to nights awake And hollow days. With a crooked smile on my bruised face I’ll give all I’ve Ever known away. Because I can no longer Mislead myself Following this dated farce. When there’s a signal fire On a distant shore Bearing the warmth of an open hearth. There’s nothing left In this Keystone state For me There’s nothing left
9.
radioisweird 05:13
There once was a time In this land of the free Where the victor authored our history But progress gave pens to the loudest of men And a static enveloped our vast land Shrill wavelengths colliding To a soundscape contriving our end On fractures we crawl In tragedy’s wake we fixate upon points That never address true concern Innocence spent in a shell casing Yet we tear at skin till the next Victims’ turn Advancing communication Dramatizes the values of all Engineering opinions To hold us apart while our columns fall For all of this we should ask ourselves What have we amassed? A house divided And youth misguided By broken maxims of a working class Reality threaded in webs of dissent Where pattern cannot be discerned Will be the harbinger of our undoing Along with those lessons we never learned.

about

Last year, I stepped into this room, feeling the grit of dirt tracked in from the previous tenants dust the soles of my shoes. A musty smell hung around the walls; the aroma of simultaneous growth and decay weaving in harmony. I felt it was perfect.

Not in a sense of paradise or any feelings of home, but rather of the symbolic nature of the room and how it illustrated my emotional state at the time better than anything else could. The emptiness amplified by the resounding echoes as I placed my things down, the faint, natural light that penetrated the window from just the right angle, and the wear of age in the wooden trim and walls all came together to create an image of synchronized despair and beauty.

The room is the cover of this album. It represents nothing more than this bleakness, of feeling trapped, of the faintest lights in the darkest places. It represents nothing more than the time I spent loitering.

Loiterer is conceptually the story of this past year.

These are the songs that gave me strength to deal with every day when I felt that I was consistently failing and falling behind. Some of them deal with the issues surrounding this, others are tributes and apologies, and one is simply to finish what some friends and I started. They all have their place in this year--in the time I spent loitering.

credits

released August 12, 2016

Loiterer is

Jonny Rhodes - Vocals, Guitars, Bass, Drum and Synth Programming

Recorded in my basement.

Mixed and mastered by Jonny Rhodes

All music written by Jonny Rhodes.
"radioisweird" music written by Jonny Rhodes and Connor Sharpless

All lyrics written by Jonny Rhodes

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about

Loiterer Virginia

Loiterer is the solo project of Jonny Rhodes. He plays music he likes, and he hopes you like it too.

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