1. |
Nine PM
01:13
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Nine PM
And I linger here,
jittering off those afternoon coffees,
scripting hollow responses
with convincingly feigned confidence
on the most recent application.
And I wander back
to that time I gazed
at the hazy shimmer of the fireflies,
their pulsing embers
blazing in relative eons.
And I ironically ache for
that youthful throb in my gut,
the overwhelming urge
to seize a world
that was mine to take.
And I can still feel myself there
in that iridescent field,
smoking the years off.
And you’re still pissed at me,
because I have so much to live for.
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2. |
Loiterer
02:23
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Well the light starts to blend from a static sun
as uncertainty looms.
The minutes defined in dollar signs,
squandered in this waiting room.
I tap my feet, clenching teeth,
begging for a call.
to validate the choices I made
before I knew myself at all.
I sweat these nights away anxious
The raw, piercing rays of dawn
Taunt me out of slumber
To a tedium reprise
I was the one who had it all mapped it out
Drawn from calloused hands years before
Now I pace this vacant space
Vainly searching for the door
I can’t bear dwelling on how I’ve failed you
Humbled by circumstance
Of false, hollow promises
That I would ever have a chance
I sweat these nights away anxious
As I analyze each waking hour
To justify my every choice
Against the parallel life I thought I’d have
I’ll just keep burying my head
As friends all pass by
In polished shoes and straightened ties
While I yearn for what cannot be mine
Because of things that I could never do
That frame collecting dust
An enduring reminder of
The opportunities that I’ve lost
As I rot, loitering
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3. |
Damsel
04:29
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The voyager seeks
asylum from the mundane,
vice transparent,
set upon ritual end.
A primordial ache pervades,
pleading release, knowing the proper means.
A piercing, discordant choir lures his attentions,
Resolving pitchy vibrato to charming concord,
Nursing the flow of blood.
They materialize,
Veiled in a sterile glow,
Shrouding blemishes of humanity
In a meticulously manicured skin,
Postured upon an artificial plane.
The ache engulfs him
As their eyes pierce virile sensibilities,
Driving his flesh tender.
Resistance is impractical
In rewarding acquiescence.
He wastes through thousands
Craving a flawless outro.
Scrutinizing every defect
As the human
peeks through the veils.
Submitting himself to one,
The tendons boil to inevitable crescendo,
Ushering the grief of wasted time
in impersonal reverie.
The sinew relaxes,
Warming his bones with spent energy
And all is perfect this way
The damsel cast aside,
Immortalized in binary
Forever admired
never adored.
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4. |
Hostage
03:38
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Blindfolded in the back seat
A captive comforted by the smooth
Glide of the street
Ushered by an unknown driver
He shouts to me
“We’re headed south.
A coarse and jagged route.”
I brace as his warning fulfills
Reverberations inch the cloth
From my eyes
To find the driver’s long gone,
Bailed out leaving a crudely drawn map
Of the distant horizon
It beckons me
In promise of clarity
beyond these conditions adverse.
And I was born of my father’s ambitions
for better or for worse
It seems now fuel is running low
As battered tires
Veer off gravel road
And for the first time I feel truly lost.
Gripping the wheel with all I have
Straining to hold
A straightened path
As I submit to curves,
A hostage without will
I’ll get what I deserve
And I never asked for any of this
This trying, guideless ride
But I’ll be damned if I falter
And for that I must survive
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5. |
Billy Pilgrim
03:46
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You’ll rarely find my face in a photograph
They feel so frivolous
When the moments we hold dear
Are clouded visions we can’t take with us.
Snapshots, limited by context
We must then interpret.
The bias of perspective leaves
Parallel plots divergent
The days of our disquiet youth
Can never be ours again
I’m left with only these torn prints
Of when I thought the world made sense
I’ve spent my time turning
Over vignettes of yesteryears
Because I’ve forgotten
What I’m doing here
It’s so senseless to live in the past
When the future can promise so much
But I loiter precious time away
And sacrifice the present as such
I’ve told myself not to worry
It’s for another time
But here and now
Is the later I promised myself I’d try
Do wasted hours mean anything?
Because when it’s time to die
The memories we cherish most
Are the only things of worth in our lives
It’s funny then that I’ve spent the past year
Thinking things would change
When every day I’ve voluntarily
committed myself to a cage
And that picture can never be perfect
No matter how much I dream
Or how hard I try
There will always be a speck of dust
And finger blocking the lens
To prevent me from ever being there with you again.
Why should we ever say hello?
If we must in time bid farewell?
And tell me what’s the point of spending time,
When I’m biding mine?
It often seems that all we are
Is anywhere but existence
And the day I die I'll wonder
Was it everything I had envisioned?
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6. |
Reconcile
03:31
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I’ve been thinking over passing objects
From the vantage of a driver’s seat
Of the way I judged you in my youth
But now I see so much of you in me
Because I was far too young to grasp
The inner struggles of responsibility
And having bore a lesser burden
In a fraction of the time
I can see the depths of your tenacity
Neither of us can be perfect
And it’s nothing we can change
We can only put our past behind us
bringing focus to the coming days
I’m sorry for my defiance
I never meant to take you for granted
I guess I only needed guidance
And I pushed you away when you tried to provide it
It’s funny how I thought
Your words foolish
Now I take them all to heart
The past five years
I’ve learned in spite of all
You’ve always done your part
To teach me self-sufficiency
By never budging
No matter how
I pushed
Now we’ve put differences aside
Here’s a cold beer to the rest of our lives
And I don’t want to lose you
Without getting the chance
To show respect for the work you put in
Not in some bullshit cliché
From a sitcom screenplay
But in our silent reconciliation
For the rest of our years
And I forgive every perceived wrong
As there's redemption
Among men
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7. |
Parking Lots
02:48
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Ageless we laid
Joint devotees
A woven embrace
In relative perpetuity
Your trembling hands
Begged for kindled grasp
I never let them go
As the stars sauntered past
And everyday still I find
A force that I can’t quite describe
Which pulls me closer
Toward you
Solidified that first night
In the parking lot
Where my chest grew tight
A fated meeting
Long overdue
What I would not give
To return to those days
When your presence forced a weight
To my gut
But that would sacrifice all we’ve become
The patience adoration’s from
And looking back,
I would not change a thing
The engine bellowed
I kicked it to low
But
We went
Nowhere
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8. |
Keystone
03:13
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I had believed my triumphs
Would cradle me
On this bridge above valleys
But none had warned
That support would cave
Beneath the crushing weight
Of all those dreams laid waste
And I kept course
Toward a road of lesser woes.
Through path unyielding,
I felt resolve fatiguing
And unwavering failure
In the face of hope
Now the place I once called my home
Confines me in a stranglehold
And I was a fool
To think my worth
Above the rest.
In this apathetic place
We have no names
Only the stubborn rhythms
In our chests.
But I will surrender
For an end to nights awake
And hollow days.
With a crooked smile on my bruised face
I’ll give all I’ve
Ever known away.
Because I can no longer
Mislead myself
Following this dated farce.
When there’s a signal fire
On a distant shore
Bearing the warmth of an open hearth.
There’s nothing left
In this Keystone state
For me
There’s nothing left
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9. |
radioisweird
05:13
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There once was a time
In this land of the free
Where the victor authored our history
But progress gave pens to the loudest of men
And a static enveloped our vast land
Shrill wavelengths colliding
To a soundscape contriving our end
On fractures we crawl
In tragedy’s wake we fixate upon points
That never address true concern
Innocence spent in a shell casing
Yet we tear at skin till the next
Victims’ turn
Advancing communication
Dramatizes the values of all
Engineering opinions
To hold us apart while our columns fall
For all of this we should ask ourselves
What have we amassed?
A house divided
And youth misguided
By broken maxims of a working class
Reality threaded in webs of dissent
Where pattern cannot be discerned
Will be the harbinger of our undoing
Along with those lessons we never learned.
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Loiterer Virginia
Loiterer is the solo project of Jonny Rhodes. He plays music he likes, and he hopes you like it too.
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